Things Jamaicans would never do or let happen

 Mi deh yah ah tink and realize seh Jamaican people dem  reely

different yuh nuh? Mi love dem ... still dere are some tings   yuh woulda

neva see wi a do, hear seh wi ah seh or even attempt fi  try.

Now Tek fi instance  ...

Yuh eva see Jamaicans a climb  mountain wid flag and claim victory

when dem reach de top?

 Yuh eva see we ah hang out inna di miggle ah di  Amazon jungle?

 Fi wah  reason???

 you ever see we a jump outta  plane wid one parachute or a boast

 seh  we going bungee jumping next  Sunday?

 Yuh eva see we inna sea, bout  we looking fi di Great White Shark?

 No sah - wi watch it pon TV

 Yuh eva hear a J'can in ah Search & Rescue pan  mountain.  A mi

 sen dem up mountain? Dem find dem way up , dem fe find   dem way back again.

Idiat dem! A nature way fe feed de weak and hungry animal  up deh!

Yuh eva see a Jamaican acting  pon big screen going into a haunted

house and asking ... Trevah you in deh?'  If him foolish  enuf fi go ina

di haunted house him an di duppy dem can  tan in deh.

Yuh eva hear a Jamaican  man seh ... 'no honey ... no need to cook

rice and peas wid oxtail and a little  chicken pon a Sunday ... mek  wi

eat  a light salad instead.' Try yuh best ...  not pon yu life.

Yuh eva si a Jamaican  come a work an tell everybody dem bizniz

how dem neva bade dis mawnin, jus  brush teet and wash  face.

Yuh  eva si a Jamaican wey luv talk over people food ... put dem

face inna it an sey  dat looks and smell good? No sah! Dat wi cause

fight.

 Yuh eva  see a Jamaican go inna di company fridge and go tek weh

next  person sangwige and nyam  it off?

Yuh eva hear Jamaican pickney  tell dem madd a fi shut up and di

Madda go tek seat inna kitchen, tek out  cigarette start smoke and seh

she  nuh know wah fi do wid di pickney? No. One  rahtid bax crass him face fi sure.

An if dem live inna farign dem sen dem to  Jamaica fi di summer and

den di odder relatives fix dem bizniz and dem go back wid  mannaz.

Yuh eva see Jamaican tek meat  outta fridge and stick it inna oven

widout  lickle seasoning?

Yuh eva hear  Jamaican inna di werk place ah talk bout how much

time him wife mek him sleep  pon di couch? Crazy tings dat, cause even if

she shut di door she expect  him fi kick it open.

Mi neva hear a  Jamaican seh dem woulda rather put dem parents

inna retirement home dan mek  dem live wid dem. Only those who migrated

to foreign lands will do dem  tings.

Yuh eva see Jamaican people a  cook and dem stir di pot, taste di

food  and put di same spoon right back inna  di pot an nuh wash it

off???

Yuh eva si a Jamaican have dem dog a lick dem face?  Yuh mad?

Yuh eva see yawd ppl  have dem dog sleep inna di same bed wid dem?

Or dawg inna di couch and  when dawg get up dem go lay down innna di

same couch inna di same  spat?

Yuh eva see yawd people  kiss dem dawg pon di mout?

Yuh  eva hear seh yawd people tek 5 days off from work because dem puss dead?

Yuh eva hear a Jamaican madda  innna a store a tell dem pickney

no  sweetheart, you  can't have that,  please put it back on the

shelf'.

Instead, yuh will hear someting  like dis ... 'lissen yah pickney,

mi  nah walk a street an  pick up money,  put dung di blassted sweetie dem

an  no  badda mi peace tiday, yuh hear  mi'?

Yuh eva see Jamaican do any wuk  afta dem get pay pon F riday.

All di  manager dem a play domino round a back, not to mention

ludo and  draft.

We a Jamaican ... ah suh wi d'weet. Wi nuh normal ..  wi well

different  from all odda peoples ! A so di ting set. A so di ting  stay

 

Real Jamaicans

Only real Jamaicans call the entire leg, foot, and the entire arm, hand.
Only real Jamaicans put crazy baby powder pon dem pickney neck after dem bathe dem! fresh wi seh!
Only real Jamaicans say headtop, footbottom, neckback.
Only real Jamaicans live in another country for 50 years and never lose their accent.
Only real Jamaicans will say that gas is the reason for any pain and tea is the cure. "m...i foot a hot me!", "drink tea... a gyas."
Only real Jamaicans turn up @ a party at 1 a.m. an know seh it a done 2am an den cuss bout wah kinda *rude word* dat, an dem jus reach...
Only Real Jamaicans have friends weh name "BIGGZ" "POOCHIE" "BROWN MAN" "MR CHIN" "MACHIZ " BLACKS"DRIVER" "JUICEY" "CREAMY" etc
Only real Jamaicans rub white rum while sick instead of vicks
Only real Jamaicans can have phone conversations with sound effects like " Ehheeeeeh , mhhm , ehhh ! , yuh tuh lie ! awoah
Only real Jamaicans know that 'soon come' means anything but.
Only real Jamaicans know that "foreign" is just one country .... maybe two
Only real Jamaicans call pomegranate, ponganot.
Only real Jamaicans are NEVER done talking when we say, "mi done talk!"
Only real Jamaicans "Put it pon youchube"
Only real Jamaicans Alphabet --Hay, B, C, D, He, Hef, Gee, Hayitch, Hi, J, K , Hel, Hem, Hen, Ho, Pe, Q, Har, Hes, T, Hugh, V,W, Hex, Hwhy, Zed