Things Jamaicans would never do or let happen
Mi deh yah ah tink and realize seh Jamaican people dem reely
different yuh nuh? Mi love dem ... still dere are some tings yuh woulda
neva see wi a do, hear seh wi ah seh or even attempt fi try.
Now Tek fi instance ...
Yuh eva see Jamaicans a climb mountain wid flag and claim victory
when dem reach de top?
Yuh eva see we ah hang out inna di miggle ah di Amazon jungle?
Fi wah reason???
you ever see we a jump outta plane wid one parachute or a boast
seh we going bungee jumping next Sunday?
Yuh eva see we inna sea, bout we looking fi di Great White Shark?
No sah - wi watch it pon TV
Yuh eva hear a J'can in ah Search & Rescue pan mountain. A mi
sen dem up mountain? Dem find dem way up , dem fe find dem way back again.
Idiat dem! A nature way fe feed de weak and hungry animal up deh!
Yuh eva see a Jamaican acting pon big screen going into a haunted
house and asking ... Trevah you in deh?' If him foolish enuf fi go ina
di haunted house him an di duppy dem can tan in deh.
Yuh eva hear a Jamaican man seh ... 'no honey ... no need to cook
rice and peas wid oxtail and a little chicken pon a Sunday ... mek wi
eat a light salad instead.' Try yuh best ... not pon yu life.
Yuh eva si a Jamaican come a work an tell everybody dem bizniz
how dem neva bade dis mawnin, jus brush teet and wash face.
Yuh eva si a Jamaican wey luv talk over people food ... put dem
face inna it an sey dat looks and smell good? No sah! Dat wi cause
Yuh eva see a Jamaican go inna di company fridge and go tek weh
next person sangwige and nyam it off?
Yuh eva hear Jamaican pickney tell dem madd a fi shut up and di
Madda go tek seat inna kitchen, tek out cigarette start smoke and seh
she nuh know wah fi do wid di pickney? No. One rahtid bax crass him face fi sure.
An if dem live inna farign dem sen dem to Jamaica fi di summer and
den di odder relatives fix dem bizniz and dem go back wid mannaz.
Yuh eva see Jamaican tek meat outta fridge and stick it inna oven
widout lickle seasoning?
Yuh eva hear Jamaican inna di werk place ah talk bout how much
time him wife mek him sleep pon di couch? Crazy tings dat, cause even if
she shut di door she expect him fi kick it open.
Mi neva hear a Jamaican seh dem woulda rather put dem parents
inna retirement home dan mek dem live wid dem. Only those who migrated
to foreign lands will do dem tings.
Yuh eva see Jamaican people a cook and dem stir di pot, taste di
food and put di same spoon right back inna di pot an nuh wash it
Yuh eva si a Jamaican have dem dog a lick dem face? Yuh mad?
Yuh eva see yawd ppl have dem dog sleep inna di same bed wid dem?
Or dawg inna di couch and when dawg get up dem go lay down innna di
same couch inna di same spat?
Yuh eva see yawd people kiss dem dawg pon di mout?
Yuh eva hear seh yawd people tek 5 days off from work because dem puss dead?
Yuh eva hear a Jamaican madda innna a store a tell dem pickney
no sweetheart, you can't have that, please put it back on the
Instead, yuh will hear someting like dis ... 'lissen yah pickney,
mi nah walk a street an pick up money, put dung di blassted sweetie dem
an no badda mi peace tiday, yuh hear mi'?
Yuh eva see Jamaican do any wuk afta dem get pay pon F riday.
All di manager dem a play domino round a back, not to mention
ludo and draft.
We a Jamaican ... ah suh wi d'weet. Wi nuh normal .. wi well
different from all odda peoples ! A so di ting set. A so di ting stay
Only real Jamaicans call the entire leg, foot, and the entire arm, hand.
Only real Jamaicans put crazy baby powder pon dem pickney neck after dem bathe dem! fresh wi seh!
Only real Jamaicans say headtop, footbottom, neckback.
Only real Jamaicans live in another country for 50 years and never lose their accent.
Only real Jamaicans will say that gas is the reason for any pain and tea is the cure. "m...i foot a hot me!", "drink tea... a gyas."
Only real Jamaicans turn up @ a party at 1 a.m. an know seh it a done 2am an den cuss bout wah kinda *rude word* dat, an dem jus reach...
Only Real Jamaicans have friends weh name "BIGGZ" "POOCHIE" "BROWN MAN" "MR CHIN" "MACHIZ " BLACKS"DRIVER" "JUICEY" "CREAMY" etc
Only real Jamaicans rub white rum while sick instead of vicks
Only real Jamaicans can have phone conversations with sound effects like " Ehheeeeeh , mhhm , ehhh ! , yuh tuh lie ! awoah
Only real Jamaicans know that 'soon come' means anything but.
Only real Jamaicans know that "foreign" is just one country .... maybe two
Only real Jamaicans call pomegranate, ponganot.
Only real Jamaicans are NEVER done talking when we say, "mi done talk!"
Only real Jamaicans "Put it pon youchube"
Only real Jamaicans Alphabet --Hay, B, C, D, He, Hef, Gee, Hayitch, Hi, J, K , Hel, Hem, Hen, Ho, Pe, Q, Har, Hes, T, Hugh, V,W, Hex, Hwhy, Zed
Jamaican Rice and Peas
1 1/2 c Dried red kidney beans,
Soaked overnight 1 Clove garlic, crushed
1 tsp. Salt
1/2 c Unsweetened coconut milk
2 Scallions, chopped
2 Sprigs fresh thyme
1/2 Whole Scotch Bonnet Pepper
1/2 tsp. Black pepper
2 c Long-grain white rice
Boil the beans, garlic and salt until the beans are tender.
Save three cups of the liquid, discarding the garlic.
Pour the beans and the three cups liquid to the pot
(If there's not enough of the cooking liquid use water),
along with the coconut milk, scallions, thyme,
scotch bonnet pepper, and black pepper and salt to taste.
When it comes to a boil, add in the rice. Let it boil for 20 minutes,
then remove it from the heat and let it sit for 15 minutes. Stir it with a fork.